31. FORCE BY REJECTION

Rejection is a strong and cruel force, a power we do not want to face, but still face and also use on others, to achieve our will and to punish our fellow men. Why are we so cruel, to do to others what we do not want others to do to us?  That is what we do, constantly, again and again.  We can try to deny it, but it is still what we do. We cannot say, “not me, just others,” because we do it, all of us.  Perhaps we do not realize it, maybe we do not know what we are doing, but it does not change the fact that we do it. Society as a whole, groups within the society, and individuals within the groups, use force by rejection, for various reasons and occasions.

The community rejects those who step beyond the norm set, with laws and regulations. Laws are perhaps justifiable in some cases but more than often they are only a tool for the masses to use against individuals as a form of revenge or punishment.  Thus the community attacks in fact itself, because the community is, after all, a collection of individuals, who, in the shelter of the masses use force on each other, by rejection, to achieve their will. The church uses the same force on its members, who do not follow the rules it sets, by excommunicating them and denying them sacraments, or otherwise depriving them church membership.  Thus are people rejected and at the same time is taken from them the security they sought in the church. Political parties, sports club, schools and all kinds of other organizations use this method on so-called wicked members.

But it is not only public organizations or the governments that force people to obedience, using threat or worse, this also applies to us and our daily lives. Because this form of control takes place also in our personal relationship with each other, parents against children, older and stronger siblings against younger and weaker, spouse against spouse, etc.

How many times have we not said to our children or heard from our parents, “if you will not do as I say, then I will do something you do not like, do it, or else” that is force by rejection. Have we not also said to our siblings, and heard from them “I will help you if you do something in return, your choice, or else” that is force by rejection. Do not say that this is not so, because when we try to make others do something they do not want to do, then we are forcing them, and our method is to buy them with something they need or desire, and they cannot refuse because of the ‘or else’ threat at the end of the sentence, thus we use their needs and fears to our advantage and that is force. All our existence is continuous use of force.  And use of force is rejection.

The last fortress to fall is our lovable spouse, or the person we have chosen to live and share our lives with, in hope of bright times with love and friendship and all the wonders that are to be found in the world of fantasy, whether from books or on a TV screen, or just in our own imagination.

After years of disappointment over rejection from our parents, siblings and friends, we have finally found someone who thinks we are wonderful, fine, special, or at least good enough as we are. It must be, otherwise they would not have chosen to share their lives with us.  Would they?

We are born with parents and siblings, there we have no chose, but we choose this person ourselves and then she or he us. But the bliss lasts just for so long.  Suddenly we become too intensive, or to week, too fat, or too thin, or like this, or that, just not as we should be, in fact much different from what we should be. These people, who we thought would be our shields and shelter, for the rest of our lives, appear to have changed their minds.  The message appears to us in various and sometimes strange forms, but the base is simple and clear, we are rejected.

We are surprised and try to resist.  We cannot believe this can happen to us, so we create explanations, excuses, and smile at the world. But within us we know, that our spouse, which we put all our trust in, has failed and rejects us like everyone else. The last fortress has fallen.  And it is in fact the last fortress falling, because the fact of the matter is that when we see and recognize that our spouse and partner reject us, like everyone else, there is nothing left but us.  We are alone.

We can try to go into hiding and find someone to replace our spouse, but sooner or later everything is back to same.  We can never escape the fact that when the last fortress falls then we stand alone.  There is no one there to take the fall for us, to comfort and reassure us. We are alone in the world and we dare not face it.  Because then we have to face the fact that it is we who use this force on ourselves. We are the ones who reject us and not just others.  And we refuse to face it.

We are the ones that accept what others hand us.  We have a choice.  We can refuse to accept it. But we believe their words, that we are not good enough as we are and that we should be somehow different.  This is our idea and belief about us.  This is our rejection of us.

When we use force against others, in whatever form, then we are only displaying what lives within us.  This is how we are. What lives within us is the same as we give of ourselves.  So if we reject ourselves, it is a rejection we give of ourselves to others.  It is inevitable.  And that applies to everyone, not just few chosen ones.  We cannot point at people and say, “you, you and you are in the grace and you outside.”

Love is either none or complete.  So if we love one, ourselves, we love everyone.  Similarly, if we reject one, we reject all. We are in fact both the one who rejects and the one being rejected.  Not because as others reject us we reject others, but first and foremost because we are the ones who reject us. When others reject us, it is in fact always our weakness.  As our rejection against others is also our weakness.  It all starts and ends in us.

It is quite clear, that it is only possible to use force by rejection on us, if and when we ourselves believe that we are not good enough as we are. When we see our own strength, then can no one and nothing disturb us.  Then we do not need the approval of others. The reason that we use force on to others, is the fear of losing, either worldly assets or personal skills. We want to be something, get the recognition of others, so we create us importance.  And at the same time we risk losing it again and the fear of losing is weakness. And thus we are locked in a circle of hell.

But we are our own prisoners and prison guards so we can break the circle.  We can walk away whenever we want. Freedom lies in our ability to see ourselves.  Anyone who knows himself does not let others tell him who or how he is. Self-knowledge is the way to freedom.  And the way to self-knowledge is to peel off all the things we are not, until there is nothing left but the truth which is us.

Truth can never be other than nothing that contains everything. Our strength lies therefore in being nothing and everything. Those who are nothing have nothing to lose.  And those who have nothing to lose let nothing disturb them. Those who are everything need nothing.  And those who need nothing have no need to use force on themselves and others.  That is all.

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