16. My child

... the child ...

… the child …

There are endless discussions on issues relating to children and teenagers, in the news, both in the press and on the television and radio.  There is need for more care and supervision for children, teens are arrested for drunkenness and riots, all kinds of problems and we wonder, worry, are shocked and have concerns about our children and teenagers.
Of course we worry about our children and adolescents; we want them to be successful, have a good life.  But still I wonder and ask, are our concerns about them or us?

Sometimes I feel like our ideas about our children are illusions, something that we create in our minds, to gain importance.  And sometimes I am not sure that we know what we are thinking and doing, as all of our actions are just empty words, hovering in thin air, with no results and no benefit.
Parents and concerns have been with us for thousands of years, and nothing has changed.  We are still in the same place, with the same worries, the same ideas, the same resources and no result.

If our children have no appetite and do not eat their porridge, we have concerns.
Hundreds of children, and more, die every day of hunger and we are concerned about one child, who lives in the society of great prosperity, and who will not eat its porridge.
Why only one?  Why do we not worry about all those children who at this moment suffer and die because of poverty?  Why do we not worry about all the children of this world?

It is a dark night and youth is somewhere out there, having fun and we have concerns.
There are thousands of young people who have gathered together, having fun, in cities and towns around the world.  And we worry about one.
Why only one?  Why do we not worry about all the young people of this world?

Is it because this one child, this one teenager is mine?
I own it.  And if what I owe fails in some way, and goes beyond the accepted norm of society, I have also failed.

This applies to all our assets, whether it is alive or dead.  Does it not?
If our property fails or is not functioning in accordance with the requirements of society, it reflects on us and we fall with it.  And we do not want to be the ones that fall.  We do not want social exclusion.
The feeling of ownership is a very negative force that destroys everything it comes into contact with, no matter what it is.

We dare not to be alone and nothing so we find something to relate to, attach ourselves to.  If the me has nothing to identify it with, then it disappears.  The me is really all it associates with.
We have spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends, properties, material thing and so on.  And if any of this fails, then we have failed.  And then we get the judgment of society.  Then we are not good enough.

We know this well we are ourselves good at judging others and in fact everything we come across.  How often have we not heard or even said “it is not surprising that the child is and acts as it does, look at the home, the parents.  Is anyone surprised that this happened to this teenager, look at the home, the parents?”
This is our judgment of others and at the same time others judgments of us.

New life can only come from life.  Thus we are the channel that life uses to appear as new life, as ‘our’ children.  That is all.  We do not own them.  We own in fact nothing.
It is no self-evident that children are better off with their parents or relatives than strangers.  Children need shelter and safety.  But they do not require us to give it to them.  Many can do that.

I should have said that children need, love, shelter and safety, but I did not intentionally, we can forget all about love and affection, because we have no such to give.  Mother love and other such ideas are only empty words, phrases that have no value.  We have created these ideas with our own importance in mind.

The me always takes first place.  “I cannot die, because then I cannot take care of my children.  I am in agony from guilt, because I have to leave my child in the nursery, every day, so I can take care of my job.  I am concerned about young people because I have responsibilities.  I do not want, I cannot, and I have to”.  I, me, mine.  That is what all this is about.

We have held many remarkable lectures about ourselves in this position and thereby made us very important.  But we are not thinking of our children and their benefit, just our own.

We do in fact not want to be the shield and shelter for our children.  We want the parental authority and all it involves.  Nothing more.
We want the importance attached to the title parent, mother and father.  It is a sweet title that gives importance.

We can just look at our responses to people, who cannot have children.  ‘Oh sad’ describes well our attitude of what we think they are missing.  As ‘fortunate’ describes well our attitude to those who through IVF (in vitro fertilization), adoption or other means, have a child to attach themselves to, and thus create themselves importance.

I know this is harsh, and I know there are exceptions to this, people who dare to step aside and allow their kids to be themselves and try not to make them their property and important in the creation of the image of themselves.  But it is like that, for many of us.  Many are asleep and unaware of how they are.  It is just a fact we might as well face.  I know, because I am no different and better than other parents.

When our ambitions and selfishness drives us to put the kids in second place, the me has the first, or otherwise trample on their rights, then it is not necessarily that which distresses us, but rather that we do it not wholeheartedly and completely.
Not necessarily give the children entirely from us, although it may well be considered, but first and foremost to let go of our ownership of them.

When we let go of our ownership of anything and everything then our importance is gone and we see reality as it is, whether we call it our own children, younger and older, or something else.
We really have no concern for the whole and therefore not for the individual, whether we say him our own or others.  And the same applies to the care of others for us.
Our concern about no appetite and night entertainment is fear.  We are afraid and mostly for ourselves.  Our responses are only fear responses.  Nothing more.

The me takes ownership of, and holds fast to its property, because it knows that when it has nothing to attach to it disappears.  Then it dies.  And it fears death.
We dare not die, and then we will not let go of our ownership of our children or anything else.

We may, however, remember that we are only the device, the channel that life uses to appear as new individuals, as ‘our’ kids.  Nothing more.
We can provide shelter and support to the children while they are growing up, that is all.  We must never force us and our ideas up on them.  And we should remember that if we stop to care for them, and maybe leave them, it does not equal that they will die.  We are not indispensable.  There are plenty of people who are just as able to care for them as we ourselves.

We may also know that love is either complete or none.
And if we have true compassion, true love, then it would focus on everything.
Then we would care for all the children and young people of this world, without conditions, without the prior ideas.  Nothing less.