13. THE SEARCH for ourselves

When we start the search for ourselves, it is not always and necessarily the truth that we seek.  Sometimes we are only trying to position ourselves in life, looking for something to do, so to speak, and then it suits us just fine to live in illusion.
It is well understandable, after all we are very confused and scared of the environment and the situation that we have created ourselves, but first and foremost of ourselves.  Too have enough to do, gives us not only importance, but also helps us to look pass ourselves.  We are too busy to stop and see who and how we really are and then is living in illusion decent solution.

We do not want to know who, what and how we are, we fear it and we fear it because in reality we know it, deep down, we know it all.
Nobody knows more about us, and all that belongs to us, than us, not only because as we see others so we are and therefore we see ourselves and what we are every day, all the time, but also because we have been with ourselves all along, we have created ourselves.  We are the ones who have done everything that belongs to us and not others, and much of that we have judged bad and unacceptable, so we reject it and refuse to recognize it, see it, know it.  It is just nothing more complicated than that.

We can go on a journey, to all corners of the world and never stop, but no matter where we go and how long and far we run, we and all that belongs to us is with us.  Wherever we go there we are.
We can never be separated from our actions and ourselves, whatever we are and have done.  So we can just as well stop running, stop and view ourselves and so make peace with ourselves as we are, here and now.

Search for truth is important and feasible, perhaps not always easy for those who carry heavy burdens, which are difficult to face and recognize or those that have light burdens and believe therefore that the matter is easy and complete, but no matter how we are and what we have done, it is feasible.  The only thing required is honesty.

It is not enough to want to approach the truth, and it is not possible to shorten the route, with all kinds of strange exercises, meditation and other.  There is only one way and one method and it is common to us all, because it is ourselves.

We look at ourselves, we look at our relations with our family and friends and the environment as a whole, we see how we judge and react, how we know actually nothing about others, other than what we think and believe.
What we see and what we hear, will always be in our own heads, the final image is formed there, according to what we are, that is why we know nothing about others, only ourselves, and still not ourselves, because we are also what we think and believe.  Ultimately, we know actually nothing about anything.  And then we are that, nothing.

If we own blame and wickedness in our hearts, then we have to look at it, see how it is we who have created that situation and judged it and how we carry it with us wherever we go, it is we who have to solve it and forgive ourselves for our stupidity and evil and everything else, we must make peace with ourselves.
It is always about us and never others.  It is we who hear, see, fly into a rage, rejoice, beat, and hug and not others for us, and there are not others that force us to do what we do.

Nevertheless, we should not judge ourselves either way, we must not judge it all good or bad, not deny or celebrate, just look, see, recognize and make peace with it.  This is what we are, and no different. This is what we carry with us, what we use to create our existence and nothing else.
We can only live in accordance with what we are; it is we who have to live our lives as well as we can, in our own interest.
When everything is viewed then we let it go, we allow it to disappear.  It is just nothing more complicated than that.

If we then, when everything is examined and all omitted, want to continue our run to all the corners of the world then we do it, but then the luggage is far lighter, because the burdens that filled our minds are gone.

It is honesty and truth that makes us free and not desires and the ideas of free will.  We do not need common sense to live in the truth, or be the truth, at all times, but honesty.  We have a tendency to manipulate the truth, believing that it is in our interest, but that is an illusion.

When we have examined everything and omit all then we are actually nothing, because then we define ourselves no longer based on what was and possibly will be, old achievements and sins, and then the mind is silent.  Then there are no longer any blames to search for and forgive, nothing to hide and dodge and then and only then we stand face to face with the stark reality, the truth, then the mind can receive what is true and right.

To live and be nothing is freedom from illusion.  Because then we are not looking for a satisfactory answer nor trying to justify anything.  Then we need nothing.  Then we only are.  And all that comes after ‘are’ is an illusion.