I sat down in my chair and reach for the book on the table beside me. He was sitting opposite to me reading his book and I could hear the children play in the next room. I opened the book and tried to concentrate on the reading. In between I laid down the book and though about what I was reading. I was not sure I could understand this all. I was thought if there was a god he would not be an old man in the sky. I could easily imagine him as a spirit or some kind of a universal consciousness everywhere and all over. But I could not quite understand how.
After I had started my search I felt like god was further away than before. Before I had just believed and had never tried to define how and why, then god had been nearer. Christ was also a mystery. I had once read that the word Christ meant holy and that was the closest I could come to an understanding of what Christ was. In my mind Jesus was a human I did not want to believe in. To my best knowledge, from what I had read in the holy book, the man Jesus did not care for all this personal worship. Therefore I had tried to bypass his persona and instead tried to understand his words.
I had such a need to understand how and why. It made me intensive and a little agitated. The more I read and the more I thought the less I knew and the further away I became from god. The author of this book, I now was reading, seemed to have found what he was looking for. It shined through the words but I could not find what it was.
“Think about god”I suddenly heard. I listened with interest to this familiar voice that sometimes tried to answer my questions. “Think about god” I heard again “and be careful not to personalize him. Use the word, it instead of he and look behind all human.” I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes and tried to do as my friend asked. I thought of god as life, it was everywhere, in and around everything. I could feel how I left my body very quietly; I was floating away from earth and out in space with all its millions of stars. I saw how it filled the space between the stars. It was as visible to me as it was made of the strongest material. I saw how it held up the stars on their travel through space and at same time it seemed to be within them, or where they around it. The stars and it were really one and the same so the stars were in fact as nothing. I was watching this very surprised. The stars were not a dead item they were a living thing, living beings from and in this huge life.
“Now combine this life to everything you know” said my friend. I felt I was traveling pack to earth. I saw it come closer and closer. This beautiful earth was a manifestation of life. The earth was just as much a life as I. The oceans and countries appeared and like the earth had come alive in front of my eyes I saw the oceans and countries as living beings. The picture came closer and I saw the mountains, rocks, bumps and stones on the beach come alive before me. They were certainly a part of the whole and at the same time living individuals, just like the people I now saw. Busy people in this huge life and each one was enlightened within and out from that same life.
“Wow, we are so naive” I said.“We are all one and the same. We are this life. Life is us. Everything.” No one could claim this life as his. We had all the same access to its knowledge and love. It was me, my Christ consciousness, my holiness. I truly was in it and it in me. The spirit and matter were one. The image disappeared and in its place I now saw a huge tree. I examined the tree and admired its beauty. “Take two leafs from the tree” my friend said now. I took two leafs in my palm. “What are you holding” he asked. “Leafs” I answered. “Tell me about them” he said. I described the leaf as well as I could, one was a bit larger than the other and they didn’t have the same shape. The larger leaf had started to wither on its edges. While I was speaking I felt I was not holding leafs but in fact two different individuals. “Now look at the tree”my friend said. I looked up and my eyes gazed from branch to branch. At first I felt surprised to see how different the leaf looked. On some branched they were yellow, on others dark green and yet another red. Some branched had uncountable leafs and others just few. I felt I was looking at the earth and humans in this tree. “You take leaf and say this is a leaf”said my friend. “You can also take a branch and the tuck and say this is a branch or truck and surely, so it is. But when you stop separating and instead combine, then what do you see.” “Tree”I answered, “I see a tree and I see people, countries, oceans, planet, all I know and do not know and when I stop separating it and instead combine it I see god.” “You see god” he said.
And then it was over. I came slowly to consciousness again. I opened my eyes and my senses started taking in the environment. He sat opposite to me and read his book. Laughter and shouting came from the children in other room. Music filled the room. I was a little startled by all this noise to begin with. I thought about what had happened and what I had seen. Nothing was outside it. Everything was life and all life was it.
We were all one and the same and when we fought, we were fighting with ourselves. It was somewhat sad to know how we messed up our existence. I wanted to share this, but did not know how, so I wrote it down for later use, when I had the change.