We use words to please and hurt each other. We are the masters when it comes to words, we know their power and creativity, we know them, we know what bites and what warms, we know where and when to use them and we apply them liberally, to improve, help, please and stimulate, to destroy, damage, injure and kill, always in favor of ourselves, for our glory.
The words that please and hurt are not necessarily on either end of a stick or opposites, we can use both positive and negative words to hurt and damage as well as to please, it is called mock and sarcasm, we use it often.
Once upon a time, hundreds of years ago, there was a woman named Helga, she was born with a cleft lip and palate, people thought she was very ugly, her only survival was alms, she walked from farm to farm to ask for charity. One time, when she knocked on the door of an unnamed farm, a child came to the door, when the child saw her it called in to its mother, “Fair Helga is here.” The child did not know that the fair part was mock and sarcasm, it had not yet learned about the subjects and the power of cruel words. The mother came running to the door and apologized for the words of the child, Helga looked at her with her crooked smile and replied “children learn what they hear in the home.”
There are many fair women and men, and small children who are subject to ridicule and contempt, which were given to them to hurt and humiliate. So it has been for centuries, so it is here and now. Maybe different words and emphases, but words nonetheless, mock and sarcasm, humiliation to hurt. Thus we are and seem not to know any better
I know many people say now, “not me, I have great sympathy with such people.” But listen to yourself and ask, what are sympathy and such people. Sympathy is also a judgment on looks or situations.
We seem to have difficulties to look at each other, without judgments and prejudice. We are incredibly quick to resort to words when we see each other, sometimes we say them aloud and sometimes silently in our minds, but there will always be words and our first thought is always about the appearances, “wow she is hot, how can anybody be so fat, smart, ugly, so and so.”
If you do not believe me then just ask yourselves when you last said something like this, aloud or to others, in silence or in your minds. Just ask yourselves, we have all done it.
Saying something nice is also judgment and it is not necessary to judge. Plus, beautiful is always and only so compared with the idea of ugly.
The look is always popular; there has been little change since Fair Helga lived. Today it is the weight, especially the extreme in both directions, too much and too little. We stumble on anorexia and use strange and hurtful words about it, but we see it as something terrible and have therefore been able to define it as something uncontrollably and are therefore more tolerant towards it than we are about obesity, which we see as controllably, as greed, so there we can be very cruel and evil.
Yet we know that there are countless reasons for obesity and all good and valid. Medications can cause significant weight gain, both steroids, medicines to treat psychiatric disorders and depression, and we know well that people who are dealing with diseases have plenty to deal with other than weight gain and prejudices towards them. Yet we judge.
Many people eat to numb their pain and it does not matter whether they are children or adults, therefore we have words like eating to comfort. Yet we judge.
Some people actually eat to become fat, because fat is ugly and if we are ugly then the pedophiles might leave us alone. And believe me there are kids who see that as a solution. Yet we judge.
Many live very difficult lives and find strength in a large body, and a fat body is a large body. We may not understand it because we live in another kind of situation, but there are nonetheless many people who live in situation where big body looks like a good solution, a shelter. Yet we judge and send them our prejudices.
We create ourselves buffers of various types, visible and invisible, within and outside our bodies, to protect us from strokes, beatings, which we get from all directions, in different situations, illness, spite, bullying, all kinds, from our fellow men and our situations.
There are many ways to protect us from the environment, people and ourselves, and some people are more capable of it than others and can even solve the problem permanently, but many people have no other resources than the buffer in the form of obesity.
But we all do find a way to protect us, each in his own way; yet we judge the others, even though we know that they are in the same boat as we ourselves. Or is it maybe because we know how they feel and know that in them we have a victim, a chance to beat with cruel words, are we so evil at hart?
Why do we not say to ourselves and others, “you are great as you are, you do not need to change; you may be like you are, exactly as you are, fat or thin, anything?” Why do we not try to see, what is the cause of the obesity and try to make the cause visible to ourselves and others who have the same problem? Why can we not just love each other? Why are we so afraid?
There is a reason, there is a why; there is always a reality behind all images. It is only a matter of opening our eyes, see and admit it.
There is nothing to fear and we are not evil at hart. Try to take in your arms someone who is smaller than you, it does not have to be a child, only someone who is smaller than you, small enough so that you feel how small the person is, how fragile she is, how easy it is to break her and destroy.
And if you think about all the words that can hurt this person, brake and damaged her, all the wounds and sorrows, the difficulties and fears, then you want to guard her against all evil. Right?
There is always a small and fragile human being behind obesity.
But just so you know, what we see in others is we ourselves. We can never see other than ourselves. We can in fact never protect others; we can never take away the sorrows of others. We see in fact never others, only ourselves, our own fragility and vulnerability, the need to protect and defend us ourselves.
Thus we are and it is okay, we may be as we are, no matter what it is called, no matter what ideas we have about it, ugly and beautiful. No matter what.
It is our obligation to take care of us and protect us and not others. And there is only one way to do it, it is called self-knowledge.
When we know ourselves nobody can hurt us with words or other. Because then we know everything there is to know about ourselves, and what others think and say does not bother us.
But we cannot just let go of our problems and then change just like that, and suddenly become thinner, fatter, beautiful, just really nice and fine. It does not happen like that.
What we do is this, we look at ourselves, all the ideas we have collected ourselves on our walk through life, we look at it all, we judge not, weep not, are not horrified by it and thus add more ideas to our collection. We only watch and do not have a single opinion of what we see and then we let it go away and disappear. Thus we do it. Without words.
When everything is gone then remains what we actually are, nothing, the same nothing that contains everything, life itself, truth that is life. That is our core, the real we, the human being behind all forms and ideas and all the words, all the nonsense. Naked, raw and beautiful. Nothing else.